A Story about Trying something New

Once upon a time I made a complete fool out of myself (or maybe once upon several a times, but I am getting too ahead of myself and not meaning to talk about each of them right here). I was standing on stage, in front of everyone…I really don’t like to talk about it (and yet, here we are). I’m not really sure of how else to put it than this, so here goes… I was a bad actress in school plays, or really any plays. I sometimes sang some forgettable songs with my sister in church. I performed around a billion skits in my acting class in the past (many of which were not even funny in the slightest). I actually did a whole entire series of Improv Duet Skits with a partner and they all somehow, as if by magic, transformed straight into rap sessions. I want to die right now just because I told you that. But wait, there is more. (Oh no, why do I keep telling you these things?) Well, I did take part in a series of group mimes once, which was directed by a man who was certifiably insane (I am just saying, because he was). Lord, save me. Then I was suddenly aware of each of my senses. I quickly gained a sense of discretion, specifically. I was somewhere around the age of twenty-six or twenty-seven when I could fully analyze this complete proverb. Even a fool may be wise if only he learns how exactly to hold his tongue. Wisdom has indeed always been found stunningly striking to me in both appearances and how it made one feel alone. In that, it is wise to stay quiet, or so I always thought. I fully appreciated the fact that God made me an introvert before sending me to this world (or so it had to be, I believed). Now, I wasn’t always of an introverted mindset. Rather, when I was an adolescent, I loved to attract the attention of every individual in the room (though currently, I find it an awfully rare occasion that I am not tripping over my own words when talking to more than ten people in a single room). For the most part, I would bravely state that has indeed been a good thing. Nay, a very good thing. A couple of years ago, I was on a yoga retreat, and I found myself lost on what exactly to speak to the rest of my class. I had been so quiet, and silence had become so comfortable that I had to abruptly re-teach myself how to talk. It was terrifying! I had to rediscover that girl that existed years ago who didn’t mind riding an exercise bike in front of a whole class as a part of a goofy comedy sketch again. The parts of my psyche that I no longer knew existed! Where was this girl exactly? Oh, how I desperately needed her or at least the resolute Zen that she may have still carried along with her. In this way, I have learned how to show up for myself once more, no matter how scared I may perceive myself to be. Here’s to never being quite as flawless as perfect, but showing up anyway (no matter how many trips, slips, and stutters you may be in for…we are only human after all).